I recently held a workshop on the ‘Breaking Through’ process and as I was explaining certain things, I found that there were a few areas in the book that were not as descriptive as necessary in order to clearly understand a few concepts.
Well, I can’t have that. One of the wonderful things about publishing through Amazon is that you can make updates to e-books and soft-covers rather easily, so I spent a day and made several tweaks to the book and then re-uploaded the softcover, e-book and workbook versions. The new versions will be available within 2-3 days.
Meanwhile, for anyone who has already purchased a copy, I did indicate in the book that you should look to this section of my blog for updates. I am pasting the updated material below.
UPDATES – 1/14/2020 Version 1.c
Dedication
To Adam, who started it all
With Special Thanks to:
Melanie, Sherri, Danielle and Donna
for helping me step into who I am
Chapter – Discovering the Real Sources for Feeling Stuck
I’m no different than anyone in that we tend to feel embarrassed about what our motivations or lack of motivation may be, but I really did want to get past this life of being stuck, so I grabbed a standard yellow post-it pad and began writing a bulleted list of the things that came to mind. I highlighted them in bold below (I added the details later so you could see the thinking behind my choice). I chose to be open to see the truth behind my choices, no matter how ugly, cowardly or unsavory they might appear to be. This was not a time for self-judgement, but for awareness and even forgiveness of what I think I have done to myself or others.
My specific feeling of being stuck is a global one in that it touched every aspect of my life, so I basically have to dig into everything. Can’t let myself get overwhelmed by that; just find a place to start.
With respect to my blockage, I asked spirit to help me see myself when I had made poor choices in the past. I asked to remember and see the truth of what motivated me in those moments. What were the details? What was I thinking? What was I afraid of? What irrational concepts did I believe were fine and real? I really wanted to know and see these things. I was determined to see these things for what they were, but I didn’t want to stop there, I wanted to see the associated thoughts, the deeper thoughts and the scattered thoughts. Leave no stone unturned. Let’s do this.
Then I began to write a bulleted list. I only wrote the items highlighted in bold at that time. The details are there so you can see how I dug into my memories to find where I made these choices. You must do the same when you make your list.
Finances have always been up and down, so I looked there first and asked myself, “What choice got me here? Why isn’t my current business attempt working?”
I quieted my mind for a moment to try to remember my motivation and thinking as I set up my current business idea and I saw I was rather frazzled or frantic at the time and I needed to find a way to make a living, so I felt the only choice I had was to grab onto something that I could put together quickly.
So item #1 becomes:
1 – Taking quick options – What I was referring to here is that since I was living my life without any real direction or passion, when it became apparent that something had to be done to fix a financial problem, I was inclined to gravitate to something that I thought I had to do quickly because I didn’t see that I had time to do anything else. My current circumstance of needing an immediate solution rationalized this. This of course is irrational thinking, but it feels very rational at the time. I initiated little businesses, started courses, contemplated schemes and other various things along that line. None of these quick solutions ever worked and only added to the depth of my blockage, resulting in needing more quick options.
Ok now, let’s dig a little deeper. I want to find a deeper reason. I then ask, “Why did I only see that I had to take a quick option?”
After a moment of looking back at that moment where I felt compelled to find something fast, I saw that one of the reasons for that was because I had not focused my talent in any single direction and never established a good base for my career.
So item #2 becomes:
2 – Not being an expert – Because I had not established a primary focus, I would find something of interest and learn it enough to do it, but since it wasn’t really a passion, I never had any motivation to become totally proficient at it, and as life passed and distractions presented themselves, I would set any additional learning about that subject aside. I was good at many things, but never mastered anything. I experienced the literal translation of “Jack of all trades, master of none”. At the time, I rationalized how that was a good thing, and there are some benefits of being multi-talented, but I should have mastered something in the process. I was an electrician, plumber, HVAC technician, author, web designer, electronics technician and industrial controls technician, yet I never mastered one of them, so with any one of those career choices, I would only ever go so far and I then I would just let them sit at the level that they were. Maybe a little extra learning here and there, but no singular push to master one of them.
Ok, let’s go deeper. “Why did I never become an expert at anything?”
This one was rough because I had to face that part of me that felt it was a failure. I can remember pursuing many directions, but somehow, I never followed through completely with any one of them to become fully qualified.
So item #3 becomes:
3 – Not following through – This is part of the reason that I never mastered anything or why many of my problems were unresolved. All too often I would eventually give up. I would let life’s distractions, frustrations and other interests become enough reason for not following through with something. For example, I was enrolled in a correspondence electronics technician course back in 1985 and I was maintaining a low ‘A’ average. I was really pushing myself to learn because I did find a passion for this. Everything was moving forward until I had a job transfer that resulted in having to relocate. It took several months for the process to complete between moving and finding a new place to live and getting all set up. Meanwhile I had stopped working on the course. After setting up my study area again, I found that I had lost my momentum and had forgotten many aspects of what I was doing and began an overall review, but my grades dropped, I got frustrated, lost my passion for it and just let it go because it went from being interesting and fun to just being work. I went into that amount of detail to show that our problems are often based upon many complexities, but it all comes down to how we digest what is happening as to what the final outcome becomes. I later had this same experience with a C++ course, and with a Home Inspection course, and other minor learning opportunities.
Let’s keep going, so I ask myself, “How did I validate not following through?”
I know I worked hard on learning things, but I can see I would reach a point where I would get stuck or hit a barrier where I couldn’t understand the training material and I would not reach out for help.
So item # 4 becomes:
4 – Not seeking proper help and associations – One of my biggest examples is that of my electrical work. I learned how to perform wiring for both residential and light commercial application solely through some initial training at a vocational school, then by trial and error and by studying specific items as they arose. I have a good sense of logic, so this was greatly helpful, but in the whole 30 years where I was wiring, I never once worked with another electrician as his helper. Only now do I see the significant difference that would have made if I had let my warped concept of somebody seeing me as being weak, not get in the way. This same issue occurs also with my plumbing work, HVAC work, spiritual growth, web design work, etc. Without any help at all, I occasionally did well with all these things. Imagine if I were to have chosen to get help as well. I can only imagine the heights I could have attained, had I reached out. When fear governs any choice, rational decisions are rare and irrational choices are common.
Moving on, I then ask, “Why didn’t I ask for help? What did I think it meant to need help?”
For reasons I did not comprehend at the time, I felt that to ask for help was some type of announcement that I was weak, that I should already know it, so I would try to figure out most things on my own instead of acknowledging I should work with somebody that already had that information or skill set.
So item #5 becomes:
5 – Feeling weak or Inadequate – This finally got me to the core issue behind many of my issues. There was a part of me that felt powerless or even, worthless, and so it would be natural for me to rationalize not trying certain things if something deep inside me simply believed I would fail or was unworthy of the goal I had set. Although I hit this deep nugget after digging into why I have financial issues, I could clearly see where this same issue affected so many of my choices and actions, or inactions.
OK, what else can I dig into? Well looking at what I just revealed, it appears obvious that there is often no way to make irrational choices without actively choosing to ignore what some of the repercussions may be, so I ask myself, “What choice got me here? How did I think that behavior was fine and OK at the time”?
Subconscious or not at the time, if you truly do not want to see something, you will either never see it or will easily rationalize it in an extremely irrational way, but it won’t appear irrational at the time because fear blocks you from seeing when you are irrational because it knows you don’t want to know. When driven by fear in any form, be it the actual experience of being afraid, or simply being tired, or confused, the results are the same in that you will make choices you would have not made otherwise.
So item # 6 becomes:
6 – Ignoring potential repercussions –I once quit a job with an internationally based corporation where I was getting $12 and hour at the time (1986) to go to a job with a small HVAC company for $8 and hour. Who in their right mind would do that, but what had I allowed to happen? I had gotten tired of the job because I let my finances run amok, my marriage was in turmoil because my wife was having issues being away from her family, I had lost my sense of direction and I just wanted the problems to go away. I changed all the apparent issues by moving closer to where my wife’s family was and letting go of my car payments by letting go of the car, and eventually finding a job within walking distance. These were all rational choices from a very fearful and irrational place of being. It resulted in me having taken care of the symptoms, without ever having addressed the problem.
I now grabbed the second post-it pad to add more issues as they appeared to keep rising to the surface. I was a bit enthused at this point because I was seeing that I was seeing. This motivated to push for more. Note that, for the most part, I was just writing down my general questions and those things I have highlighted in bold.
Moving on. I decided to look at some things that affected me in general. I often ended up in circumstances where things did not end up as planned or hoped. “What are the choices I made that got me there? What was I doing that lead to things going astray”?
I could see that often these circumstances occurred due to being afraid to see what somebody might say, so then just never asking, and it leaves things hanging. These gray areas would leave me open for issues to occur that had absolutely no reason to occur other than having not chosen to make things clear. Then, with this imbalance in place, my head would swirl with scenarios of what might happen, what should have happened, what I should do now, or what I have no idea about what to do. I would lose focus, sleep and any sense of direction I might have had.
So item #7 becomes:
7 – Not being clear or addressing problems quickly – There is a thing that I refer to as “allowing things to be gray”, which refers to allowing things to be that have not been fully explained, understood or looked at. As one example, I was designing a web site for a manufacturing company and a price was set for the work. As the process went on, it became apparent that additional work was required, so I mentioned this to the owner, but I was afraid to say what it would cost, so I never said. I left it gray. When I finished the job, I presented my bill, with extra costs included and the owner said he would only pay the price we had agreed upon. I felt he ripped me off, but who really created this circumstance?
OK, as I dug deeper, I could see that many of my behaviors were the result of deeper issues. Overall, I could see I had a fear of what any change would require or demand of me. I then ask myself, “What choices am I making that get me here? What is it about change that bothers me?”
When I would attempt to see the bigger picture, let’s say if I were to think about working with somebody to learn more about something, I would be hit with all kinds of thoughts about what that would mean, and I would be overwhelmed. How could I afford a cut in pay while training? Where would I live? How would my wife respond? What would people think of me? It’s too much at one time. I don’t have the time or energy for that right now. I’m too old to start that. There’s too much travel. I’d have to go back to school. It’s too late for this.
So item #8 becomes:
8 – Allowing the bigger picture to overwhelm me ––Because I was living in a fractured state of being, I could not easily wrap my mind around doing things that would require major changes. So many limitations were built into my existence and I would have to address them somehow but being that I did not know what those issues were, there was just fear and apprehension.
This next one just suddenly popped into my mind since it is a splitter that likely applies to all my issues and it is the underlying thought that I do not have enough time. So I asked myself, “What choices got me here? Why do I feel as though I do not have enough time to fix things at the moment?” Again, this is a belief that is intertwined with many of my other issues where they either depended upon this belief or help substantiate it and prove it is true. When you don’t have the time, you have a license to make endless irrational choices because you are pressed for results right now, and you are not prepared to provide good results because you did not have the time and focus to do so. It is a painfully complete cycle of never resolving the issue because it both creates and supports itself.
So item #9 becomes:
9 – Believing time was not on my side – If time is not on my side, how could I further my education? How could I attempt to master any one of my skills and become an expert? How could I find a long-term real solution to my income and finances? How could I work with an expert or seek the advice of somebody who may help me find my answers? I need it now. My life cycle ignores opportunities and only provides motivation when things hit a point of extreme emergency, and of course this validates that time is not on my side.
As a deeper aspect of believing I did not have enough time, I would often end up doing things that I had to do, versus things that I wanted to do. So I asked myself, “What choices have brought me here? Why do I always end up doing things I don’t like?” Remember, we create our experience, so if I experience what I believe and if I believe I don’t have time to be an expert, won’t seek proper help or advice, ignore any repercussions of my choices, believe time is not on my side, etc., a wonderfully insidious way of validating this is to attempt to accomplish things I am not passionate about. The eventual destructive result of doing this will validate so many of the blocks plaguing me and reinforce the capacity of the stuck cycle to repeat again and again, without hesitation and without a clue as to why it is so.
So item #10 becomes:
10 – Pursuing things that are not my passion –Again, all these issues work together. For example, although I learned plumbing, I didn’t like it, but it can help fill in down time between wiring jobs, so I add plumbing to my plate and end up dreading almost all plumbing work, further sucking my energy away from me, dissipating joy. Maybe I should try electronics again? Could make better money with that, so I take a 1-year course, and I am disciplined at certain things, so I can push myself to pass with very high grades, but then I never do anything with it. I look at some job opportunities, but I didn’t like the potential 12-hour days and 4-day week night/day shift swapping potential, and quickly let it go. It was no longer a passion, but I thought I needed to be doing something, so instead of resolving my problems, I just picked a solution that seemed to be doable, but I really didn’t want to do it. It wasn’t until after the course was done that I gave any real thought about what to do with it. I had taken the course to satisfy my inner knowing that I needed to be doing something, but since time is not on my side and I had no idea what I really wanted, I picked something that I thought could fix me up within a year (a quick fix), but then I had no interest in it. The only passion I uncovered was my passion to finish the course, and once the course was complete, the passion went away.
I now move on to the third post-it pad. As much as part of me liked that I was finding things, another part of me was having a little dread as to how far this will go. Still, overall, I was liking that I was truly willing to address all these issues and at least write then down so that I can see them and work on them to finally end this stuck cycle.
I felt as though I had gotten all of my major issues addressed, for now anyway, but I decided to just relax again for a moment and let my mind wander a bit. I recalled a few times where I did not start things on time, resulting in issues later, so I asked myself, “Why do I often end up behind the eight-ball?” For the most part, this might be a general form of procrastination but more so when I see the issue as something that is difficult or boring to me. This wasn’t something that affected me often, but enough apparently that I thought of it while looking for things that lead me to being in my current circumstance.
So item #11 becomes:
11 – Pushing off things I think are hard or difficult –This runs parallel with the idea of not having enough time but mixed in with a dislike of something and perhaps a hidden lazy streak. Again, not something that totally trips me up, but it’s still there.
Then, when I thought I was all done, I recalled a moment where a friend inquired about what I was up to these days and I provided some general information, but didn’t go into any detail about what I was really doing on a day-to-day basis, so I asked, “Why did I hold back telling them more about me?” It appears that I had learned to wear a mask and I didn’t really know I was doing it, but I would not let people know if I was struggling with something, because I felt it would affect how they see me. I wouldn’t let on that I needed help with something because I felt it would affect how people see me. I wouldn’t openly embrace a belief system because I felt it would affect how people see me. To some degree it is like living a lie because I was not really sharing my true self on many occasions. Then there were the times it went on steroids and was a catalyst in helping me make some terribly irrational choices, which of course, were rationalized at the time.
So item #12 becomes:
12 – Concern about how others see me –For example, an acquaintance of mine was making good money working in a professional capacity and I was working construction. I let this make me feel inferior, that I was a lowly construction worker, so I quit my job. Now I was no longer a lowly construction worker and I tried to put together some quick little sham business that never amounted to anything. So, I went from being an adequately paid contractor to having no income or job at all, and it was all rationalized because of a hidden fear of how people see me, and as is apparent here, not looking at the repercussions associated with making the decision. It started by becoming fixated on one fear, then making a totally irrational choice by ignoring the potential outcome and then creating a whole new issue where the cycle validates itself and will continue forever.
Chapter – Creating a New Path for Future Choices
- Make a conscious choice
- Embrace patience
- Be committed
I’m going to show you how these specific intentions, when applied consistently, will change your life as you know it and free you to accomplish things you had not even hoped.
Making conscious choices involves taking the time to see where that choice may take you. If not directed consciously by you, an unconscious and often unhelpful direction may result, where you will have an undesirable experience. What you want to do is to allow yourself to be aware that every choice creates a direction. Your goal from now on will be to consciously set that direction to where you will have joyful and helpful experiences.
Embracing patience involves momentarily setting aside any perceived heaviness associated with schedules, requirements, responsibilities, expectations and demands, and taking a moment to see that none of it really matters. None of these things are as important as we think they are, so just envision a gentle mist covering all of them and see them in a peaceful way. See them at ease. Relax, breathe and allow peace to replace any apprehension you may have, and then return to what you were doing.
Being committed determines the results of you having made a conscious choice and having embraced peace, and is a focused decision to follow through with your choices to ensure they are given the time necessary to manifest themselves as the experiences you truly desire they be.
To sum it up, making conscious choices charts your course; embracing patience strengthens you to overcome obstacles along the way, and being committed provides the push to ensure you end up with the experience you desire.
To put these intentions into action, take your bulleted list and number your findings if you have not already done so, then on a separate piece of paper, write down the three intentions. (See appendix B or Workbook Step 2) Look at the first item on your list and see if that issue would have been affected or even undone if you had “made a conscious choice” or had some kind of goal or purpose in mind when making that choice. If so, write the number of that item after the intention. Then follow this same process for the “embrace peace” intention and the “be committed” intention as well.
For example, the first item on my list is “taking quick options”. I can easily see that my choices where I was scrambling to do a quick fix would definitely have been altered had I really stopped to make a conscious choice, so I place a number 1 after that intention. I can also see where, had I embraced patience, I would not have been scrambling at all or even looking for a quick fix, so I place a 1 after that intention. I don’t see where the last intention would apply, so I don’t write anything there.
As you will see, had you applied these principles in the past, many of your decisions would have been different. You will see that almost all three of these intentions would have affected every one of your issues, and together, embracing and practicing these three intentions will lead to the healing of your life.
When I reviewed my list and selected which choices would have been affected, it looked like this:
- Make a conscious choice – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12
- Embrace patience – 1, 2, 3, 4, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12
- Be committed – 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 10, 11, 12
Now it’s time to set your healing into motion and undo how these problems have been set in place and lift them away from you. It is time to move forward and live a life without them in place. It’s dam busting time!
For each of the items on your list, we will be applying the appropriate intentions to them and letting them go. Look at a few examples of how I released these items and then we’ll start you on removing yours.
My choice of “taking quick options”, I hand over to spirit to correct. I would rather make a conscious choice and embrace patience instead.
My choice of “not being an expert”, I hand over to spirit to correct. I would rather make a conscious choice, embrace patience, and be committed instead.
My choice of “not following through”, I hand over to spirit to correct. I would rather make a conscious choice, embrace patience, and be committed instead.
My choice of “not seeking proper help and associations”, I hand over to spirit to correct. I would rather make a conscious choice, embrace patience, and be committed instead.
My choice of “ignoring potential repercussions”, I hand over to spirit to correct. I would rather make a conscious choice and be committed instead.
My choice of “– insert list item here –”, I hand over to spirit to correct. I would rather (make a conscious choice), (embrace patience) and (be committed) instead.
